How do I embody the role of the conscious educator? Or… what to do when a kid is crying because they didn’t get what they wanted?

Wednesday was the last day of yoga and mindfulness club for 6-11 year olds at a local primary school I wanted to thank the kids for their enthusiastic participation in the first block and give them a little gift I decided to make a pass the parcel with an affirmation card and a small heart shaped crystal in each layer. I wanted the affirmation and the crystal to choose the child rather than me or the child consciously choosing for them.

All was running smoothly until I noticed on of the youngest pupils looking sad.

People on both sides of her had opened a layer and received their present already and she was finding it hard to wait for so long.

The time came when it was her turn, and as she opened her layer, tears streamed down her face.

Her affirmation said ‘I am enough’ and she had received a black heart crystal, she was disappointed…

Although I trusted that most would be happy with the present they received. I had planned for this eventuality, so I had some spares in my bag.

No one can be expected to be grateful for a present they don’t like, right?

In this instance, though, one child was absent, so I knew I had one extra layer prepared.

I called the child over to come and sit with me while the game continued, I asked her why she was crying. She wasn’t really able to tell me so I suggested…

“It was hard waiting for your turn for a long time wasn’t it?” She nodded

I continued, “and when your turn finally came, you were really disappointed, you didn’t like your present?”

“That’s ok that it was hard to wait and it’s ok to feel disappointed when you wait for something for a long time and when it arrives, you don’t like it. I can understand that!”

In that moment, she felt seen, heard and understood

I invited her to open the final layer, and she received a yellow heart and a different affirmation, and she was so happy.

It didn’t matter to me or any of the other kids who were happy with their original selection that she got a second turn.

It was a small thing for me to do for her, but it was a big thing for her.

So many times, I’ve witnessed children in similar situations being told to be grateful that they have anything or that what they are feeling is silly

When we do this, we tell children that they don’t matter, that their problems are insignificant to us, that what they care about is silly, and that we don’t care how they feel

✨ Often children are shamed for their big feelings. ✨

✨ Not when they work with me ✨

The space we cultivate when we use The SHINE Brightly Method makes it safe for children to express their feelings, and adults model how to respond with kindness and compassion. Most importantly, they respond to the feeling expressed because they matter. We don’t dismiss. 

It’s not always easy and I still don’t always get it right first time, but I can always apologise and try again.

✨This is the work of the conscious parent or educator, the trusted adult who creates compassionate communities where children feel safe✨

Because when we feel safe, we can ✨SHINE Brightly✨ and that’s what life is about, isn’t it?